We’re here for round five of the Grand Alliance Throwdown! Today’s battle: four of the goodest critters to ever grace a battlefield.
Welcome in, Generals of the Realms! We’re back again with another Grand Alliance battle royale. After a long day of fighting the eldritch abominations of the Realms, sometimes a general wants to come home to a loyal animal friend. However, occasionally those animal friends join them on the battlefield to help their beloved masters fend off their fearsome foes. Even the servants of Nagash have a few pets, proving that even in death, sometimes you need a friend.
As always, there won’t be any repeats on this post, so if you don’t see one of your favorite critters, I may have covered it in a previous post.
Order: Ochtar
Of all the Grand Alliances, the Forces of Order have the most companions that accompany them into battle. From loyal Gryph-Hounds to Spites, the heroes of Order have no shortage of critters willing to lend mandible and talon to the war effort. However, of all the weird and wild warriors available, I have to give a special shoutout to the Ochtar, the notary assistant to Lotann of the Idoneth Deepkin. Plus, I already covered the larger Gryph-Chargers, so the Hounds felt like a repeat.
The Ochtar isn’t just for show, either; he’s Lotann’s only source of attacks. As the Warden of Souls and primary tally master for the Idoneth, Lotann has no time for silly concepts like “defending himself”. Thankfully, his loyal Ochtar has devoted all eight limbs to keeping him safe. The Ochtar gives Lotann eight decently strong attacks and ensures no enemy weapons can harm Lotann without reprisal. This gives Lotann plenty of time to empower the other Idoneth around him.
Chaos: Vulcharc
With an Alliance like Chaos, you’d think tons of beasties would be running around. While there are several monsters and deadly mounts for Chaos Champions to tame, there isn’t much in the way of smaller companion creatures. Thankfully, the Master of Change provides for his sorcerous disciples with a magic-hating bird. Think of the worst parrot you’ve ever met, then give it a particular hatred for your boring college professor.
The Vulcharc doesn’t have any attacks of its own. Instead, it harries enemy Wizards, sapping them of their magical strength. In a Realm where magic can mean the difference between life and death, that can be a game changer. Keep your Wizards far away from this feathered fiend.
Death: Ouboroth
Like with Cavalry, Death isn’t well-populated with companion creatures. Most of the warriors of Nagash are either soulless corpses bent into servitude or high-ranking necromancers with no wish for the warmth of companionship. However, even in the dismal ranks of the undead, some warriors want a little friend to call their own. Of course, there’s no reason to find a companion when you can just make one. That’s exactly what the Soulblight Gravelords general Sekhar did with Ouboroth. Owing your rebirth to someone does instill a bit of loyalty.
Ourboroth is all that remains of a powerful and ancient god Sekhar brought to heel and bent to her will. In battle, it strikes with deadly precision with its long fangs and gives Sekhar an even greater level of agility than her fellow vampires. However, when the battle turns truly dire, Sekhar can relent a bit of control to allow Ourboroth to glut itself on the souls of her enemies. This act robs her of her speed but could also rob her enemies of their lives, so it’s a decent trade.
Destruction: Klonk
I know that I have TECHNICALLY already covered Squigs before, but I think Klonk is unique enough to earn his own spot. Klonk is the living anvil of Zoggrok Anvilsmasha, and takes great joy in having his rock-hard cranium smashed to relieve his constant headaches. As such, he follows the great Orruk blacksmith across the Realms, eagerly allowing him to use his head for his creations.
While Klonk doesn’t fight much on his own, he does assist his master with his creations, allowing him to re-roll forge rolls. However, he’s also a big target, and is just as eager to throw his head in front of an enemy weapon as he is Zoggrok’s hammer. As such, if Zogg fails an armor save with a 1, poor Klonk suffers the brunt of the damage and must be removed.
Did your favorite critter make the cut?
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From North Carolina to Texas and back to North Carolina again, Clint lives the life of a traveling artist. An avid gamer, writer, actor, pyrotechnician, and general nerd, he has finally turned his love of EDH into a career. When not busy being a clueless cowboy, Winterfell Bannermen, or whatever else acting life throws at him, he enjoys reading folklore from around the world, writing narratives for his Wargaming armies, or running D&D 5e games as a professional DM. Look for his storytelling podcast, By the Dancing Fire, or find him on Twitch at FeybornPhyrexian, where he produces MTG content.
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