The Warhammer 40K universe is full of terrible ways to buy the farm – but these take the Grimdark cake!
Here’s some of the nastiest ways to buy the grimdark farm we could dig up:
Tesseract Labyrinths – Welcome to solitary confinement FOR ETERNITY! If you’re exceptionally lucky maybe the one you get exiled into is occupied by a C’Tan shard and he will kill you fast. Necrons and their hyper technology is the worst!
You Killed Lucius the Eternal… and smiled – Yeah those scars have gotta burn… You just know it’s the worst for the arrogant Eldar. They probably tried one of those subtle smiles and thought Slaanesh didn’t see… In any case, the best you can hope for is to show up somewhere cool on Lucius’ armor, like a Pauldron, and not the codpiece.
Malanthropes – The slow living digestion is kind of like the Great Saarlac – but floaty… (hope you brought some dramamine). Luckily, these fiends are on the Legends side of things for now, but they are part of the lore forever – just like Chaos Androids!
Death Jesters – Bio-explosive Shurikens are bad news. IT BURNS – IT BURNS – IT BURNS *HEAD EXPLODES* It’s almost worse if the guy next to you gets hit and you spend hours picking his chunks off you. Who says Harlequins don’t have a sense of humor?
Drukhari Grotesques – The worse part is you know the Haemonculi make sure you remember…(and give you a mirror). No one truly leaves the Dark City.
Tyranid Devourers – So about those really pissed off ammo-grubs… Remember those scarabs from The Mummy? Yeah that, ick…
Losing close combat with Kroot – What’s the Kroot word for “Happy Meal”? Turns out, it’s YOU! Still way better than getting captueed by the Tyranids (see above). If you’re really lucky, they might already be hungry and turn you over the the T’au. Bonus lucky points if you happen to be a follower of Nurgle, Necron, or a Daemon.
Great Unclean Ones – That giant mouth isn’t just for insults… No matter what, all your clothes are ruined, and you wont want to eat for a while. “I thought they smelled bad on the outside” – Han Solo
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Purifiers – Fire Extinguishers rated for souls are never handy when you need one! Remember, if you are pure of heart, it ONLY burns your body to cinders.
Catachan Face Eater – You just got out of the shower, your glasses were fogged up, and you were dripping wet. These nasties are on the Grimdark nasty deaths list mainly for the shame…
~What Warhammer 40K horribleness did we miss?
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Dad, Gamer, Publisher, Pilot, Texan. All games all the time since junior-high.
I started BoLS Interactive in 2006. I’m a lifelong tabletop & RPG gaming enthusiast, and internet publisher working to entertain and inform my readers every day.
I’ve been playing RPGs and Tabletop Games since the 1970s. I’m been playing and covering Warhammer and Warhammer 40K for over 35 years.
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