During Kobold Con, a question drifted across the Pirates & Plunder AMA like a scrap of parchment on the tide:
“Is there a Message in a Bottle table?”
There wasn’t. So we turned it back to the sea—and asked our community to help build one.
What came ashore was everything we’d hope for: desperate pleas scrawled in haste, half-burned confessions, dubious treasure maps, and warnings best not ignored.
Your submissions washed in like flotsam from every corner of the world, and we’ve gathered them, trimmed them, and combined them into a single table ready to drop straight into your salty sea and swashbuckling campaigns.
This table will not appear in Campaign Builder: Pirates & Plunder. Instead, it lives here as a free community resource, built by the community, for the community.
So crack the seal, unroll the parchment, and see what the tide has delivered. Roll a d4 and a d8 and multiply the die rolls (like a crossbones) to find a result on the table:
Message in a Bottle
| d4 × d8 | Message |
|---|---|
| 1 | If you are reading these words, we thank you for opening this bottle and drawing its gaze. We sincerely apologize for what is about to happen. Best of luck. |
| 2 | To those who find this, know we perished as a group, and there was no greater treasure to be found than that. Plunder together, plunder forever. |
| 3 | Look out behind you! (The reader of this message must save against a minor curse, or have a feeling of being watched for 1 week) |
| 4 | Mutinous fools. My frozen eye sees where you are. I will never forgive you for the rhino drop. Best sleep with one eye open. |
| 5 | Beware of the Dread Pirate’s lair! Ye scallywag will never survive! [Insert cryptic directions and a map] |
| 6 | Beware, flying sharks near the coast! |
| 7 | O my lovely Belinda, This is it. The Captain lost her mind after we went through the Storm of Flying Fish and we won’t make it. The Dockmaster knows all. Sly |
| 8 | Seek the island where the Sun Snake touches the ground. The treasure is buried by the star crossed tree in the Valley of the Giants. Beware the |
| 9 | It can be found just beyond the camel’s humps, under the assassin’s arch, between the colossal towers, above the chef’s table, and under forgotten man’s stone. |
| 10 | [Illegible scrawl] …the palace was UNDER the ruins. I carved a rune in the tree where the entrance is, but the tree ate Gnarl . . . watch out for the tree! |
| 11 | Follow folding instructions to create your own paper ship in a bottle! For a deal on paint or other accessories, yell out for Grimp the Imp, & I appear. |
| 12 | For a good time, come to the Island of Sirens! Magic, singing, games, gambling, exotic foods, & more await! Don’t delay! Follow the map & listen for the songs! |
| 13 | If you are reading this, hi! I am Oliver. I am stranded on an island, and alone. It helps to imagine someone is reading this. I am so alone. So alone. Toodles! |
| 14 | A fine place to hide a treasure hoard indeed, & a fine place to die. Also, I be out of rum. Follow the map, if ye wish, to me bleached bones, me fortune, & doom |
| 15 | I’m Ailea, cabin girl aboard the Svelte Sila, and I am in hiding. I believe the sailors and passengers aboard the Sila are being replaced with wax golems. Help! |
| 16 | Help, the Sea Witch sunk our ship. Now stuck in the cave by the Grove of Bones. The mermaids are both lovely and dangerous. Beware the SD —Barny “3-Eyed” Mac |
| 17 | I am Princess Lychee, the adopted daughter of the King and Queen of the Mycolid Kingdom. An evil spellscale vassal and his tribe of lizardmen have taken over! |
| 18 | Come to the southside docks of Fortune’s Cove and dock at Pier 5. Load only the crates you need. Don’t be greedy. We’ll be watching. |
| 19 | Wanted! Dead or Alive: bring me Roland the Foolmaker to the Crimson Lady Inn for a reward in gold. |
| 20 | Landlubbers be finding rubbish at sea and expect it to be treasure map. Ha! —Roland the Foolmaker |
| 21 | We forgot the recycle bin at bay. Please dispose properly of this glass bottle, matey. |
| 22 | Turgut the Red, keeper of the Crimson Lady Inn, has no teeth of his own. His smile is elephant ivory. He’ll let you stay a night for free to keep the secret. |
| 23 | Langhorne the Claw has lost his beloved parrot, Anita. Shall you find a birdie of red cheeks and yellow crest return it to Turtle Island for a reward in gold. |
| 24 | Treacherous sirens ate my crew. Shall you find beautiful lasses singing at open sea, cover your ears with beeswax-or suffer my fate. |
| 25 | Beware the sharks!!! On these waters, Pierce the Goody two-shoes became Peg Leg Pierce. |
| 26 | RAEF ON EVAH GNIHGUAL ERA SDLOBOK EHT EREH ERA SNILBOG EHT GNIMOC ERA SNILBOG EHT |
| 27 | What was broken on the rocky shoals has been made whole. Woe comes with the palest moon of the coldest year. Lost to the waves, he will rise again. |
| 28 | to any soul who finds this, our ship lies shattered on Blackreef. a curse festers. my crew rots alive. may the gods be merciful |
| 29 | Honest Yekk’s Wondrous Elixir! A guaranteed* cure for all ailments and injuries! Buy a case today! *Guarantee not guaranteed |
| 30 | The island was a trap. The treasure was a myth. The map was fake. Berlin the merchant sells only lies. |
| 31 | Why don’t adventurers ever look up? |
| 32 | Marooned on Sickle Island with Kleekleg’s treasure. Come find me and the treasure is yours. |
Thank You to Our Contributors
This table wouldn’t exist without the creativity of the Kobold Press community. Thank you to everyone who submitted a message and helped bring this collection to life:
GM Cas, Jayded, Peter Mally, Lord Gira, Jenei István, Chris Macdougall, Lane Mullin, Dan Skipper, haffthemighty, R.B. LeMoyne, Tone Villa, mikitta, Ghen, Skybolt, John Roe, Neal Hebert, Joree Snozzbog
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